I Fought a Coon South of Dixie (tag: Rocket)

[Sophia Strange]

St. Mary’s School for Girls was one of those institutions that had been around awhile. With two buildings to separate K-6 with 7-12, you had some places where the limestone walls were the same as when they had been built in the 1800s. The main function of the buildings used to be a nunnery, so the bars on the windows (though aesthetically pleasing for a school and/or prison) were the same bars that nuns used to look out of folorningly as they did nun-things.

It was one of those buildings that you looked back on fondly as a unique educational experience later in life. But during your time there, you accepted that it was a shithole.

Any place where religion was placed higher than justice was, by definition, a hole full of defective matter. Which was why, while the good catholic girls wandered about outside for their thirty minutes of yard time, the two non-catholic girls were inside the stifling gymnasium counting gym equipment. Both of them had thrown off their sweater vests and rolled down their knee-high socks. Their white button-up shirts were soaked with sweat (but dare they take them off and risk a nun or a priest walking into see their scandalous tank-tops showing off their bare arms? The horror!).

One of them had tight braids across her head, her chocolate skin shiny with perspiration as she dutifully stuffed volleyballs into a mesh bag. Every once in a while, she’d shoot a look over at her friend or take off her glasses to wipe them off with the hem of her shirt.

Her friend was a whole different sort of girl. Her hair (brown, with a streak of white at the temple) was tied up in a pony tail to keep out of her way as she went down the list of gym things they were supposed to be counting. Sitting cross-legged on the ground despite wearing a skirt, tapping her pen on the wood floor of the gym in short, angry taps. Her nails were painted black and chipping, her skin was tan but not quite as dark as her friends.

Eventually, she let out a gruff and angry sound, throwing her pen at the wall. Watching it bounce off was not as satisfying as she thought.

Her friend shoved in the last volleyball, looking up and shooting the girl an unimpressed look.

“Everything is here! Everything! We didn’t steal a basketball or baseball bat or whatever the hell he’s accusing us of now…”

”Sophia, calm down.” Sydney, her friend, said calmly. She waited until Sophia had stood before continuing, ”Obviously he just wanted us to count them. You know how the asshole gets….”

The ringing of the bell signaled the end of recess. Sydney sighed and grabbed her sweater vest, pulling it on and pulling down her socks. She moved to leave, before realizing that Sophia wasn’t following.

“I’ll catch up later.” Sophia says, pulling on her own sweater vest, “Tell them I’m recounting or something…. I just want to be alone.”

Sydney reached over, patting Sophia’s shoulder sympathetically, ”I got your back, bro.” And left. Unlike Sophia, she let most things the principal did slid off her back like water. Oppression was a bittersweet but familiar taste for Sydney and the other African Americans of Louisiana. Her only real crime in this school was being Protestant.

Sophia leaned against the wall, sliding down the brick until she was sitting with her knees up. She idly picked at a snag on her skirt as she pondered her options:

Father Stewart, the principal, had been getting worse and worse when devising the little ways he tortured Sophia. With graduation around the corner, it was as if the principal wanted Sophia to drop out before he was forced to shake her hand and give her a diploma.

Vesper was no help, Vesper was never any help. Sophia couldn’t blame the Mhuruuk, not really. When someone was threatening you, the polite Mhuruukian response was to cut off their head and display it as a warning to all other enemies. Sophia was sure human society frowned upon that happening to Father Stewart, even though he was an asshole.

Vesper didn’t exactly understand the concept of parent-teacher conferences. Most of them ended with Vesper using the name of the Vishanti to curse Sophia’s teachers (which totally didn’t help her standing as a pagan in a catholic school) and then telling Sophia that a princess did not need this school. That a princess should be focused on princess things: magic and learning how to kill your opponent with a staff. You know, important royal things.

But Sophia wanted to go to school, if only to get that diploma that would allow her to go onto learning about Chemistry and science and generally awesome things. She had given up dreaming about the Dark Dimension and her Mother when she realized her real purpose: a symbolic tool. As heir, whoever had her had control over the Dark Dimension. The people would follow whoever had a heir, whether that was her mother or Dormammu.

Let them keep fighting over her, she chose neither of them.

Sighing slightly, Sophia stood cracking her knuckles and turned toward the entrance of the gym to see…..

A raccoon in an orange jumpsuit.

An honest to Dixie raccoon, standing on his hind legs, wearing a god-awful orange jumpsuit with weapons of all kinds strapped to his body. Now, most Louisiana denizens of New Orleans saw a coon and fired up the BBQ. These were a people that ate muskrat and alligator. But Sophia instantly thought of a certain Uncle with a fondness for sending his minions to capture his niece.

“Well….. hi?” Sophia moved slightly into a defensive stance, magic moving through her like a caged lion, “Please tell me you are not one of those woodland critters from South Park…..”

Either that, or he was a friendly Dark Dimensional helper. In which case, Sophia knew of a certain Ms. Parker who would be thrilled because she was making coon soup tonight….

[Rocket]

NEVER FORGET WHERE YOU'RE FROM. NEVER GIVE UP.
. I can't hurt, but I still feel, I know that life's a battle field. When the time's get tough, I'm a soldier .

Dormammu. Rocket had his fair share of strange beings hire out his services. Of course, he didn't meet this guy from the supposed dark dimension (or something), he was offered the job through someone else. Oddly enough, despite his usual work, mercenary work… theft… this guy wanted a kidnapping. Wanted this human girl handed over, alive and well. It was an odd request, Rocket wasn't used to handing over heads still attached to their bodies… But the pay seemed decent enough, and it wasn't like he had a better offer for the time being. So he took it, with a slight hesitancy. Earth wasn't a place he'd ever been before, that he could recall anyway… He did know earth had raccoons… Of course, they weren't a thing like him. Save a slight physical resemblance.

It would be interesting, to say the least. Also part of why he had taken the offer. He left Groot behind on this one, since humans were coddled babies of the universe. Rocket wasn't stupid, he did his research. Humans barely had any contact with other beings from space. They were a cushioned race, one until only a year or so ago hadn't really had any major alien interactions at all. Not that the Chitauri was likely to be something all humans knew about. From what Rocket gathered, they were a race of secrets and all that nonsense. But whatever the case, he figured a walking, talking tree would stand out. And Earth used their trees for lumber. Earth trees were not sentiment, nor were the raccoons but at least earth raccoons did walk. So, for Groot's safety and Rocket's ease, his best pal was safe, relaxing in the sun far from the little blue marble Rocket landed on.

New Orleans.

Rocket's first impression of the city was that it was pretty unremarkable. The humans weren't exactly impressive, small, kind of… Primitive in a way. He kept to the dark of course, it was much easier to move about when it was dark, and his eyesight was perfect, even in the darkest night. The food however was stupendous. He'd snatched a few things along the way, none of which he -regretfully- knew the name of. Didn't know what it was, or what it was made of but oh man. It was good…

Still, he did have a job to do. Hunting down a Ms. Sophia Strange. He dug the name. He didn't have much on why he was looking for her, what she did or why his employer wanted her (alive), but it wasn't exactly his job to ask questions. He'd hand her over, as per the deal and walk away a little heavier. Maybe treat Groot for leaving him behind this time.

He tracked his mark to a school. A Catholic school. whatever that meant. And there, he located her, and waited for an opportune time. This was a mission of carefulness. Not that Rocket was known for being careful, but he was a smart sucker. And he knew trying to knock this girl on her ass so he could haul her back to his ship would get unwanted attention, so he had to wait until she was alone… But who knew humans were such social animals. The bonus was, his senses allowed him to track her by ear and scent once he got a good whiff of her, and marked her voice apart from the others. Today she was with a friend, just one. He could take out the one human… But getting his paws dirty would draw unwanted attention, and tip off his mark. So he waited. Patiently.

There. On her own. It took him only a flash of fur to meet her, blocking her exit eyes narrowed as she stared at him. He let her take in the sight of him, fur bristled and whiskers twitching. Something was strange about this girl. He couldn't name what it was, but something stung his nose and made his fur stand on its ends. Instincts were going haywire, but he couldn't place why. In any case, the girl looked to be on the defensive, so she was wary. There went playing cute to get her to come closer. Ha.

"I got no clue what you're talkin' about babe." he snorted, ears twitching. "Now, I'll cut right to the chase sweetcheeks. You come with me, all well behaved like and we can do this the easy way." he offered, before he leaned back a little, paws resting on the holsters on either hip. "Or… We can do it the hard way. Somethin' tells me you know what that way will entail." He had intended to drop her, but enhanced or not he was by size, raccoon, and she was a decent sized human being. Dragging her could take a while. Getting her to come quietly would be better.

WORDS: eight-one-nine.
TAGGED:lanni & sophia.
SONG:army of one. bon jovi.
CREDIT:you're lookin' at her.

[Sophia Strange]

Ah, dear Uncle Dormammu (or rather, Great Uncle, as he was her grandmother’s twin brother but eeeeh semantics). The ex-King of the Dark Dimension had been sore ever since his niece Clea took over and became Queen (all while banishing her mother, his sister, to a pocket dimensions, yah her family was a bundle of joy). Constant Civil War was Clea’s reward, and Dormammu probably fancied that if he had some one-on-one time with his niece, he could brainwash her the same way he had brainwashed Prince Orini (Clea’s father and Dormammu follower).

He had sent all manner of creatures after Sophia. Most never found New Orleans, the city was so wrapped in magic that it messed with the senses of anyone who hadn’t become used to it, like Sophia had. The rest were killed by Vesper, or outwitted by Sophia until Vesper could use them as target practice. Yah, some of them Sophia could have killed, but her nanny did love killing Dormammu’s henchmen. Sophia didn’t have the heart to deny her.

But this…. This had never happened before. Usually Vesper came flying in here the moment a dark dimensional creature showed their face on their radar. This guy wasn’t from their home planet then. Uncle was out sourcing for his grunt work. Judging by the weaponry, this furry didn’t have to rely on magic to track her.

"I got no clue what you're talkin' about babe."

“Soooo you don’t want me to accept Satan as my personal lord and savior?” Sophia asked, thinking up spells for defense and offense, and what kinds she could use that would be fancy and impressive, but wouldn’t land her in the brick wall behind her. “And you don’t want to use my blood as lubricant? I just want to be clear here, because this is not South Park. That’s in Colorado. This is Louisiana….”

Stall for time stall for time stall for time….

There were two exits to the gym, but the one behind her was locked unless a fire alarm was tripped. Something to keep in mind but not ideal. She had to get him away from the door so she could make a run for it…..

"Now, I'll cut right to the chase sweetcheeks. You come with me, all well behaved like and we can do this the easy way….. Or… We can do it the hard way. Somethin' tells me you know what that way will entail."

Okay, so she had a couple options here….

Obviously not the ‘come quietly’ part. When had she ever done anything quietly? Or in any manner suggesting behaved? If she did that, this guy would be in trouble because that would mean she was possessed by some evil spirit that would probably tear into him the moment he had her in his space ship in a way that would make alien proud.

She could always teleport away, but she could end up anywhere in the world. And she would need to find a phone to call Vesper to bring her back, and though that would mean she was safe and Vesper could hunt down Rockie the Raccoon. But see… that might count as ‘quiet-like’. And boring… and she had some personal questions she wanted to ask…. Like what made him pick that god-awful orange.

And about his employer, of course.

A plan quickly formed in Sophia’s mind even as she straightened out of her crouch to stand.

“….. I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass…….” She announced, extending out her hands in a ‘stop’ position, “And I’m all out of bubblegum.” Her hands were surrounded by purple energy and she shot three energy bolts in the direction of the raccoon.

She had been waiting a long time to use that line…..

[Rocket]

NEVER FORGET WHERE YOU'RE FROM. NEVER GIVE UP.
. I can't hurt, but I still feel, I know that life's a battle field. When the time's get tough, I'm a soldier .

"Who the flark is Satan?" Rocket's ears flicked up and flared as he blinked in confusion. He made a slightly disgusted face at her comment involving blood. And he thought he was a whack job. "Uh. No. Gross. What nasty kinda junk you humans into?" he asked her, eyeing her warily. Okay. So, humans, not as chill and boring as Rocket had first assumed. Not that her weird blood lubricant wasn't offsetting, but humans still looked boring. No cool skin patterns, no real fur, claws, cool teeth… Eyes. Nope. Pretty much boring compared to the folks Rocket normally hung around.

He could see the human girl working things out. Thinking. Plotting an escape. Too bad, Rocket was nothing if nor thorough and had broke in to find blue prints (actual paper blueprints man these humans had to get with the times…), he knew the school like the back of his paws now, which doors opened, which didn't, where the alarms were, where the emergency exits were. He knew the place like a battlefield. Being prepared was never a bad thing. Even when trying to catch a boring human.

The purple hands were new though, maybe not so boring…

Rocket furrowed his brows a little, and his ears flicked back against his skull as he eyed them warily. This wasn't in his guide to the humanoid beings of the universe book. Well at least not in the section labelled humans. The only reason he gave himself credit for being able to jump out of the way of her attack was those damn raccoon instincts and that amped up skeleton under his fur. Something about her powers made him itch, and his animal instincts (hell, he hated using that word) had him moving before he even realized it. Though, it was handy. He clung to the doorframe and turned to her, fangs bared in anger. "Now you're in trouble." he growled at her, hopping back down to the floor, coiled like a little furry snake. " They said alive, they didn't say what state I had to drag you back in." he spat, fur bristling.

Magic. That's what this shit was. Some critters of the universe had it, he hadn't encountered it often. Apparently, earth had some little magic goers too. And man did it always have him buzzing. Well, this whole deal just got way harder and- wait a damn minute. "Oh oh. You're one of them ain'tchu. Humans ain't magic." he growled, eyes gleaming. "They want you alive 'cause you're one of them…" oh see now everything made sense. The way she made him all shifty, why she wasn't just a head being hauled back to his employer.

Normally, he didn't exactly try and give away who hired him. But depending on her response to it, he had a yes or no. From what he had been told of the guy employing him, from the guy he talked to… well Dormammu wasn't someone Rocket wanted to piss off. Best to know what he was dealing with. Magic. Ugh of course. And here he thought he was getting decent pay for something easy for a change. He suddenly regretted not having Groot at his back, but alas. Live in the now.

Though he wasn't lying. He couldn't kill her… Blowing off limbs did still technically mean alive… And magic could fix that stuff right? Eh. He'd start with something that could just knock her down. Something he'd swiped off a guy trying to bring down Drax the Destroyer. If this tranq could take down that it could take down this little fairy human.

Still. He drew one of his laser pistols and took aim. He didn't aim for her head per say, but he did aim for right next to it as a warning. He had to keep her from getting in the halls. So he was going to remain quite firmly in the doorway. He didn't want to have to give chase. Giving chase meant more humans were going to see him. The sign of a good mercenary was to not be seen, have a good reputation but not a lot of witnesses. He didn't want to have to level this whole place to keep his head down. With his other paw, he drew the tranq gun in quick secession and fired towards where he would hope she'd flinch away from his other blast.

WORDS: seven-four-five.
TAGGED:lanni & sophia.
SONG:army of one. bon jovi.
CREDIT:you're lookin' at her.

[Sophia Strange]

"Who the flark is Satan?"

Sophia shrugged, "Some evil guy that rules a pit of fire and roasts your soul if you led an awful, murderous life." She looked a little amused at Rocket's confused look, "I don't get it either." Mephisto was the closest you got to Satan, he did rule a place called hell, but Sophia had yet to hear the equivalent to God or Jesus in the same aspect. She didn't even know.... earth religions were so confusing anyway. Why worship a guy that died on a tree? The Vishanti were far more impressive gods anyway (one was literally a tiger..... a tiger).

Her attacker gave on a look of disgust, and if she wasn't fearing for her life she would probably laugh.

"Uh. No. Gross. What nasty kinda junk you humans into?"

"We just have an odd sense of humor." Sophia said, hesitantly grinning, "Watch one episode of South Park and you'll get what I mean.... in fact, watch the episode 'Woodland Critter Christmas' and you'll understand everything about this conversation." Her eyes brightened, "In fact... why don't you go watch it now? Take the day off from whatever furry things you gotta do. Make it a marathon.... And I'll be here, doing school things." Or at home, with her Mhuruukian warrior Nanny, plotting ways to kill an alien-raccoon. But he didn't need to know that, he'd be contently watching South Park, and generally away from her.

The plan formulated into her mind as thus:

Step one, get the raccoon away from the door he was blocking. There were lots of nifty spells she could use: summon a wind to blow him away, summon fire and lit his busy tail, create an illusion of a dinosaur to chase him around (she was thinking one of those raptors from Jurassic Park would do nicely, they certainly scared her).

Step two, once the raccoon was nicely distracted by things get into the hallway and pull a fire alarm. Not only would this create a panic of children running through the halls, but it would also summon nuns. Nothing got a nun on your ass faster than pulling a fire alarm, honestly they should just rename them 'nun-summoners'. The nuns would see Rocket, get out their bottles of holy water, and hopefully create a nice distraction while Sophia got outside.

Step three, outside surrounding the school were alleys and wider spaces. Out there she could do more things, like create trap-spells or summon entities. Things that would normally potentially bring the school down on her head if she tried to do them in here. Regardless, out there she could potentially capture or even.... and here is not hoping: kill the raccoon. Sophia didn't like killing, but that wouldn't stop her from doing it. This was self defense at its core.

Speaking of self defense.... the light beams hadn't worked to get him away from the door. As the ground below him was black and scorched from the energy bolts, he clung to the doorframe like a monkey. Well okay.... different tactics then....

"Now you're in trouble...... They said alive, they didn't say what state I had to drag you back in."

"Oh yah? Well.... your mama's so fat she makes an extra-large coon-cap!" Your mama comebacks to a raccoon, really what the heck.... how did she even have friends? This was how lame she was. "Also.... your a pussy." And shot another few more magical bolts at him. She moved around and threw two toward the doorframe he had previously grabbed and two at him directly. She just had to.... corral him like. Like a cat, and the magical bolts were water (burning water).

"Oh oh. You're one of them ain'tchu. Humans ain't magic..... They want you alive 'cause you're one of them…"

"Or I'm a magical disney princess." She shot another magical bolt at his feet, trying to steer him to the right. "You don't know me," Sophia shot one at his pointy ears, "You don't know my bros, you don't know my clique."

This wasn't working.... this didn't feel like it was working very well. Time for new spells.

Before she could do the wind summoning spell, however, the raccoon started to return fire. At the blast from the gun (she was going to call it a laser gun for now), instead of ducking away, she extended her arms, then brought her hands up to clap together above her head. A purple energy shield circled around her like a bubble, causing the laser to bounce off of it and smash into the limestone wall behind her. The other shot, one that came too quick for her to identify, also bounced off the shield.

Okay, no time like the present. "I call upon the winds of watatomb!" Sophia announced, trying not to feel too much like a dweeb as she gathered the energy of the shield around her with her arms moving down and to her chest, then she extended them outward like she was about to catch something.

Instantly, a strong gale whistled toward Rocket. The force of it forcing the basketball hoops above him to shudder.

Sophia wasn't done of course, just in case that wasn't enough to get him away from the door, she knelt down and drew her thumb across the floor. "I summon my minions of darkness!" Well, not exactly true. See, you don't need to say anything to summon illusions. But he didn't know that.

Three figures, cloaked in purple light, morphed up from the ground in front of Sophia. Once formed, they revealed three Velociraptors. One of them make that eerie yell sound, before they all three ran at Rocket, herding around him.

"Gaze upon their tiny arms in terror!" She called out, adding a cackle for good measure. Of course, they couldn't actually hurt Rocket, but they only had to look real enough.

Sophia, she made a break for the door now that Rocket had wind and dinos to take care of. The wind didn't even ruffle her sweater as she passed through it.